Abortion paved the way

by Joceyln (Maryland)

I was a 20-year old junior in college when I had my abortion.  The condom broke.  Let me repeat that.  The condom broke.  I had stopped the pill about 6 months prior because I was convinced it was making me depressed and fat.

Anyway, I took so many negative pregnancy tests that by the time I had missed my period I had almost convinced myself that “it just happens sometimes.”  Whoops.  When the inevitable positive result came through, I died a little, told my roommate, and called my boyfriend.  He immediately drove 45 minutes to come and talk.

I knew that I wanted an abortion, but I was terrified he’d want us to keep the baby.  I pictured a very different, very hard life for ourselves.  But, he was so composed and supportive while I cried and railed, and we made the decision.

I am so grateful for the kind staff at the clinic.  I recall they had the same juice and cookies that the Red Cross does at Blood Drives.  I didn’t have to suffer through any protesters or last minute worries or trans-vaginal ultrasounds or whatever laws men are trying to pass today.

There were three girls in there with me that morning:  a tiny Asian girl in a white, knit hat that wouldn’t stop crying, a stoic black chick, and a white girl about my age on her 2nd abortion.  We smoked a few cigarettes together.  I remember that I was the only person dressed in actual clothes; everyone else was in sweats or PJs. They played the movie “Ghost” on a small television in one of the waiting rooms.  I’ll never forget that…I still can’t watch that movie.

I am so thankful that I had the ability to make the choice and despite what some would like to speculate, I do think about it.  All the time.  But, that doesn’t mean that it ruined my  life.  Instead, it had the opposite effect…I graduated college and was able to spend another 10 years being alive and free and spontaneous and stupid before having my own kids.

The boyfriend?  Has been “the husband” for almost 12 years.  We have two children, girls.  The “abortion” became a line item for my reproductive history when I was pregnant with my first.

Thank you, abortion.

Leave a Comment