All my life I was taught that abortion was wrong

by Arianna (Illinois)

I am 23 years old, a recent college graduate and I had my abortion in September of 2011 when I was 5 weeks pregnant.

My story starts with reconnecting with an ex-boyfriend nearly ten years later because he needed help getting his life back together (or so he led me to believe) because he was involved in a gang, never graduated high school and was living back home. I have always been a sucker for wanting to help people, and he knew exactly what to say in order to get me to feel sorry for him and spend my time helping him. I got him to register to take the GED, go out and look for jobs and try to be a better father to the 3 year old daughter he already had.

We were sexually attracted to each other and he did seem to have a genuine heart so we slept together, once, which is all it took and I found out 3 weeks later I was pregnant. And during that time I was so ashamed that I had slept with him that I distanced myself greatly from him. When I found out I was pregnant my first reaction was abortion. I know one day I will be a great mother but that was all I could offer this pregnancy, I didn’t have any actual means or prospects to be able to completely provide for a child, nor did he. There was no attachment to this pregnancy and when I considered both possibilities I couldn’t come up with a single positive reason for continuing the pregnancy. So I called the next day to schedule an abortion, I was shocked that they said they could see me two days later since all of the abortion stories I had heard the woman waited a week at least.

I decided to go alone, two of my closest friends knew where I was just in case but I knew that having them there would just make me anxious. I walked into a waiting room full of couples, some who were comforting each other, some tensely sitting next to each other and then there was this one guy sitting with his iPod ignoring his hysterical girlfriend next to him, I knew immediately I made the right decision to come alone. They took me in and did the ultrasound and testing, and all was going incredibly smoothly until I realized they had me scheduled to take the abortion pill where I wanted an aspiration.

When they took me into the “education” room to describe the procedures I immediately voiced my concern to the nurse and that was the only time I freaked out, because I thought they were going to send me home and make me come back another day and go through the first half of all of this again. The nurse was so sweet and told me it was no problem. Fifteen minutes later I was in the operating room and those three minutes felt like an eternity. I won’t lie and say it didn’t hurt because I was not sedated (I had to drive myself home) but it only lasts for those three minutes.

When they took me into recovery was the first time I felt guilty. But it wasn’t because of what had just happened, it was because I was now in a room with all of these women who were crying….hysterical even and I felt relieved. I felt guilty for not feeling guilty about what I had done. All my life I was taught that abortion was wrong, and it was never an option, but now I have new beliefs and I am going to take better care of myself.

I found out recently that the guy involved was pulling this scam on several girls, one of which got pregnant a week after I did and there may be another who could be pregnant as well. Turns out this guy wants more kids, even though he can’t support any of them, so he’s been sleeping with girls with the sole purpose of getting them pregnant. I was stupid and I fell for it, I won’t begrudge him that, but finding all this out made just set in concrete the fact that I 150% made the right decision. No pro-life group or ranting tyrant can take that away from me, and for those who say I did something wrong or murdered my child I smile and know in my heart that neither of those things are true.

Had my pregnancy been further along things might have turned out differently based on my education, but I know that the technically 21 day embryo in my uterus was nothing but cells, and people may think I’m crass for saying that but that is the cold hard truth. And that makes me it okay for me. Maybe it’ll make it okay for someone else.

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