Felt Renewed

by Fyre (Georgia)

I found myself spending a lot of time with a guy friend of mine. I had just broken up with my longtime boyfriend and I was lonely, mostly, and I craved the intimacy I was suddenly without.

One night, my friend and I were hanging in his dorm room, and we had started to make out. He started to push past that, but I wasn’t ready. I tried stopping him twice, but I didn’t leave, for fear of being alone again. I wish I had left though, because he raped me that night.

After weeks of exhibiting symptoms of pregnancy, I went to my school’s clinic and found that I was eight weeks along. I knew I couldn’t just ignore the problem. I was afraid to have an abortion, I had no intention of keeping it, so I stayed in that limbo for a few days, knowing that everyday my monster’s child was growing.

My mother came and drove me the four hours home to the clinic nearest our house that performed abortions. Despite my sadness, I was amazed with what I saw. The entire place was populated with women, all here for different reasons. And every stage I went through, from signing up to laying on the table, was run by a woman. I had a female doctor, and because I had chosen to be awake, there was a lovely woman there to hold my hand. I kept my eyes on her, and we talked through the pain, and she wiped away my tears and told me I was doing wonderful. I remember her the most, because she was so beautiful and kind.

In the ultrasound before, they told me and showed me that I was ten weeks along. Then, after a few moments, I was empty again. For a couple of days, I felt empty, but the last of sadness left me, and I felt renewed, knowing that now if I did choose to have a child, I could do so in my own time, happily.

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