Escaped Abusive Relationship

by Grateful (Texas)

When I was 19 I got pregnant by my abusive boyfriend, whom I was in the process of trying to leave. We had been together for about 2 years and in that time frame he had destroyed my life, my relationship with my family, my credit, and my self-esteem. He knew how to control me and he used whatever leverage he had to keep me under his thumb. Once I was finally able to escape him (literally – move to an address he had no knowledge of, with no car, no friends, none of my belongings, no money and barely a new job), he started harassing me at my job to hurt me that way. Eventually I succumbed to his demands to see him so that he would stop harassing me at work and I could keep my job. Sex wasn’t optional and I’m sure you can imagine he wasn’t willing to use a condom. I had previously been on birth control, but because of my bad relationship with my family (who I hadn’t talked to in months), my parents took me off their health insurance and I couldn’t afford birth control. I didn’t know anything about places like Planned Parenthood that offer free or low-cost birth control to women in-need.

So there I was pregnant – by a man I hated, who was unemployed, uneducated, had no prospects, and came from an incredibly dysfunctional and abusive family. I barely had a waitressing job, no car, was living paycheck to paycheck, sharing a one bedroom apartment with a woman I barely knew, had dropped out of college because of this guy, and destroyed all of my relationships with friends and family because of this guy. Like I said, I hadn’t talked to my parents in months, but at that moment I knew I had nowhere else to go and nothing left to lose.

Basically, I showed up on my mom’s front door – pregnant, alone, desperate, broke, and broken. My mom opened the door and we both started crying. I told her everything. And then she cried more. She never wanted this for me. My mom got pregnant when she was sixteen and didn’t have any choices. Her parents forced her to get married to my dad – and they had to give up so much for me. She tried so hard to keep me on the right track and make sure that I made the most of opportunities. On top of everything else I was feeling, I felt so disappointed in myself – for letting someone put me in that situation, for taking my life for granted, for letting down my mom and for taking all my parents had sacrificed for me for granted. I could see all her dreams for me draining from her heart.

I asked her, if she was me what would she do, and she said, “I’d have an abortion.” That was all I needed. My mom has loved me so much, gone to the ends of the earth to provide for me and has always wanted the best for me. We talked about our faith (we’re Catholic) and what she would think of me. I couldn’t ask for a better friend or a better mom. She was absolutely amazing. I couldn’t believe that after all I had put her through, her giving up her childhood for me, my selfish teenage years, and then the way I treated her because of this guy, that she would just take me back, take me in and take care of me – but she did, like only a mother can. It also meant a lot because when she was pregnant with me she didn’t have a choice, but she should have. I say that as her living daughter, but had she had an abortion who’s to say that she wouldn’t have gone on to do amazing world changing things bigger than me, and that she wouldn’t have had me at a later time in her life. She’s an amazing, intelligent, strong women, without me she could have changed the world – I’m sure.

So, I had made my decision with the support of my mother, in prayer with our God, and I called the guy. I told him my decision and all he did was call me a bitch – very compassionate man you can see. I hung up the phone at that moment and didn’t talk to him again. I made my appointment and my mom took me to the health clinic two days later. It was like a normal outpatient surgery. I got in did my paperwork, got the consent and risk information from the nurse, talked to the counselor about my decision and about other options. Talked to the doctor, did my ultrasound, saw the image, started my anesthesia and then the procedure. There was no real pain, just some initial discomfort, similar to getting a cervical exam but a little more intense. Then I fell asleep. A short while later I woke up in the recovery room, a nurse was there to help me wake up and get oriented with my surroundings. Once I was comfortable they began the discharge process. Then my mom took me home. I slept for the next day and after a day and half I was fully recovered.

Once it was done, I thought about my decision and wondered if I had done the right thing. I had, but I think whenever you make any decision that big you will always wonder. I vowed that my decision wouldn’t be in vain and that if I was willing to end a life for the sake of mine I better damn well do something with it. I did.

Over the next few months I got my life back together. I stayed away from the guy, mended my relationship with my family, and went back to school. The abortion is what kept me motivated. I couldn’t waste this second chance I’d been given. Eventually I graduated college, got a good job, went back to school, and got a masters degree. Today, I’m 30 years old, still don’t have any children (but plan to one day), am pursuing a PhD and have a great job.

I’ve never regretted my decision, not for one moment. You don’t hear enough of these stories but the truth is, I had an abortion and my life is better because of it. If I had continued the pregnancy I would have been stuck with that loser, in poverty, with a child I couldn’t take care, being abused, never finished college, and maybe even dead. I love my life, I’m so grateful for it. It probably seems ironic, but my abortion brought me closer to my family and to God, and made me appreciate and value life even more.

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I grew up thinking that abortion was wrong

I’m 22 and my boyfriend is 26. I found out that I was 5 weeks pregnant last Friday. I pondered my choices but ultimately knew in my heart/gut that an abortion was right for me.

Like a few girls on here, I grew up thinking that abortion was wrong. I couldn’t accept the fact that I was indeed pregnant and was in denial about it.

I had my mind made up after my sister-in-law and I waited in the ER for 7.5 hours.

I discussed it with my boyfriend. He was on board with whatever I wanted to do. However, me being the worst girlfriend ever, I made him out to be the “bad guy” and expressed to my family that he was anti-baby/wanted an abortion. I did this to get their reaction. Overall, it wasn’t good and went forth with the abortion. To “cover-up” the abortion, I lied again to my family saying that I miscarried.

Sick, I know. But my motives were meant to be good. I wanted to protect my family’s feelings. I didn’t want anyone to get hurt.

I was finally able to be honest with myself as well with my family and although this decision/lies had torn us apart, I feel 100% better about it and wouldn’t have done it any other way.

Thanks to abortion, I can live my life without interruption and continue with school and work and my relationship with my boyfriend. A lot of life lessons were learned throughout this past week or so, but I wouldn’t change it for the world.

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I do not want to be a mom right now

by Syd (Virginia)

I am going to have my 2nd abortion tomorrow. Even though I have done it before, I can’t help but be nervous, not scared just nervous. For woman who are scared of the physical aspect of it, it’s not bad at all. The most uncomfortable part is when they open your vagina like a pap.

I barely felt the shot, and the actual abortion just felt like medium period cramps; nothing to be stressed or scared about. I am only 20 years old and think that I have a general pain tolerance, so if you have had a pap than this is definitely bearable. And it’s true, you feel tremendous relief afterwards, I remember I cried afterwards because of how relieved I was. That night I was out with my friends, and healed very fast. In fact, right afterwards my boyfriend and I went to out to eat.

The most comforting thing during the procedure is the nurse holding your hand, the doctor is very nice, and so is the nurse. She asked me about my hobbies, and what I liked to do, and by the time I could say “this is uncomfortable, when will it be over?” They said “we’re done!”. Don’t regret it one bit, and am happy that I have this choice, because I do not want to be a mom right now, I have a career to focus on. If you’re scared of the pain that’s not a good reason to not have one, because it’s really not bad.

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Unwilling to burden our friends and family

by Julie (Wisconsin)

I’m 23, and so is my boyfriend. I found out that I was about 6 or 7 weeks pregnant about 6 weeks before he was due to leave for the a 27 month service in the Peace Corps; he was going because he wants to attend medical school. I was in the process of applying for jobs overseas as well. We lived in a small apartment with a roommate , and I had two jobs that brought in less than $1,000 a month – he wasn’t working. I was unwilling to ruin his life, or mine, or unfairly burden our families and friends with a child that we couldn’t support – not to mention how unfair it would be to have a child that we could not adequately love and care for! Ultimately, we knew that terminating the pregnancy was the moral choice.

It was hard, and it was painful, but I don’t regret it, at all. For me, there has been no regret, or sorrow, or “coming to terms with” my choice and though I do sometimes feel shame, I know that really, I have nothing to be ashamed of, and that those feelings are coming from the shaming rhetoric of anti-woman and anti-choice ideologies. Thanks to abortion, and all the people who have fought for my rights to have one, my boyfriend and I can live the lives that we were dreaming of – and some day have a child (or children!) that are loved and wanted.

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Regain My Footing

by Relieved (Texas)

I’m 26 years old and I had a surgical abortion two days ago when I was 7 weeks pregnant.

To sum it up, I got pregnant after a stupid early morning encounter with my ex boyfriend. I took the morning after pill, but i guess those little soldiers were just too strong…

When I took the pregnancy test and saw the little plus sign, I almost lost my mind. I started shaking and saying no no no….I called my mom and my best friend and asked them to tell me the test was wrong. I spent the entire day at work panicking and when I went to the doctor later that afternoon she confirmed it.

I told the father and he was adamant about not wanting it…but I wasn’t sure. I never thought I could ever get an abortion…I’ve always been pro-choice, but I just thought it was something other women would do, not me.

So I agonized for about a week and I finally decided I didn’t want to have it. I went to planned parenthood for the required ultrasound and when I saw the small dark blob on the picture, I was relieved that it didn’t look like a baby.

I went back a week later for the procedure and honestly the worst part was the waiting.
When I was finally called to the back they showed me into a room and I met the nurse and a volunteer who was there to hold my hand and distract me.

I had IV sedation to relax me and it totally worked. To be honest, it’s only been two days, but I couldn’t really tell you what happened during the procedure. I mean I felt that they were doing something but there was no pain…and the volunteer did an excellent job of keeping me talking so I wasn’ t stressed.

When it was over I was really surprised and I asked them twice if they were sure they were done. They reassured me that I was definitely not pregnant anymore and they wheeled me to the recovery room.

I was in there for about 30 minutes dozing on and off. I had a bit of mild cramping but nothing especially painful. My ex drove me home and I napped on and off.

So it’s been two days and I feel completely normal. No pain…minimal bleeding and most importantly, the amazing relief that comes with not being pregnant anymore.

I’m so glad that there was a place I could go to help me regain my footing and keep my life going in the direction I want it to.

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