Regret: Maudlin and False

I had a wonderful abortion. The narrative of abortion is so rigid that it’s difficult to figure out how to talk about it without falling into all these kind of pre-set traps.

The narrative in most people’s minds seems to call for either acknowledgment or lengthy refutation of regret, gravitas and so on. For me these are complete non-starters. It was not a decision made with much gravitas – I wanted one, I got one. Regret is completely absent from my experience, I can’t even comprehend it honestly – it sounds so maudlin and false like I’m expected by the very people who’d uphold my right to an abortion to also live in some absurd romantic comedy that they themselves would criticize for its inability to speak to their lives. My life and abortion weren’t focus grouped, eh?

The medium has become the message. If you can’t talk about abortion without gravitas it’s off script, boring and not worth talking about. That, from my point of view, is one of the very real silencing parts of the story as it’s thus far been written.

Well whatever, my abortion was, and continues to be, boring as fuck.

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Abortion helped save my best friend’s life

By AS (South Dakota)

She was 18, a freshman in college and my roommate. One night, she went to a party with a guy she thought she liked. She drank too much (she had basically no experience drinking) and woke up with him raping her.

She told no one and came home. A few weeks later, she had been drinking a lot, and I was worried. She came home from a party and was throwing up and crying at the same time. That’s when she told me the whole story and that she was pregnant.

I’ll never forget the look in her eyes when she told me, just dead and flat and she said “I’ll kill myself before I go through with this, I mean it.”

And she did mean it. She was totally unable to function for a while, much less look into what to do. She finally went to the school clinic with me where they presented her with options – and she decided to get an abortion.

We had to drive really far, and pay way more than either one of us could afford, but as soon as it was over – with very little discomfort, she was relieved. She was able to go back to school and graduated on time. She also went into therapy and has become one of the most amazing, accomplished people I know.

So thanks, abortion, for what you did for me, and my best friend.

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Pain-free medical abortion

by Birdie (Washington)

I’m 31 years old, single and have no children. I have used almost every form of contraception available  and despite my best attempts to find a method of contraception that worked for both myself and my partner, I’ve gotten pregnant, twice. I’ve had two medical abortions. The first at age 21 and the second at age 25. Both pregnancies were terminated at 5 1/2 weeks. Both experiences were basically simple and pain free with the exception of some cramping and bleeding, mostly like a heavy period.

I believe I had relatively postive experiences with both of my abortions because I wasn’t raised with any religious indocintration and I never felt the calling to be a mother, which I think is the only instance in which a woman should bring a child into this world. It’s been more than ten years since my first abortion and I still have no regrets. I may meet a man someday with whom I want to create a family with, but it hasn’t come to that yet. Because I am a sucessful, healthy adult, if I were to become pregnant, I would be thrilled to become a mother because, now, I am ready to be loving and present parent. I don’t take abortion lightly and I don’t take having children lightly either. Thanks!

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Loves babies, but also loves legal abortions

by AG (Florida)

Born into a Irish-Catholic family.  Twelve years of catholic school.  Was force fed the horror stories of abortion and babies trying to escape the doctors ripping forceps.  I also grew up and matured.  Realized the hypocrisy of the catholic church.  When I was 19 and contracted my first UTI, I had a visit with my GYN.  He prescribed my birth control and penicillin at the same time.  The doctor nor the pharmacy ever warned me about the dangers of mixing the medicines.  In 1990 pamphlets weren’t handed out with your prescriptions yet.  I may have cured my bladder infection but I also got pregnant.  As a 19 year old nursing student dating  an unemployed surfer, I knew and always knew what I would do if I ever got pregnant.  My GYN performed terminations but he was on vacation for 3 weeks.  So I had to wait.  I was still surfing, smoking pot and was the maid of honor in my sister’s wedding.  My boyfriend of 2 years wanted to break up with me so bad.  Not sure why.  The whole pregnancy scared him away and away he went.  Thanks to my Mother and my best friend who took me to the doctors office that morning.

There were christian picketers outside the doctors office that morning.  Someone dressed as the ‘rim Reaper holding a scythe, people holding bloody baby dolls, screaming and brandishing signs.  It was scary, I didn’t want to get out of the car.  My mother put a jacket over my head, ran me into the office screaming “Fuck off” and giving them the finger.  Inside I was already pre-registered and was lead into an inside waiting room.  There were about 12 other women there waiting.  The doctor was running late.  To break the tension and put some of the ladies at ease I did a very quick stand-up routine.  I could see so many different walks of life in that room; lawyers, cashiers, prostitutes, office assistants, Mothers, drug addicts, teenagers.  I broke the ice for all of us, put a smile on our faces during our scary journey.  I felt better and so did everyone else.

My name was called, I was lead to an exam room, changed into a gown.  The doctor came in, did a quick exam, told me it was like removing a small tumor or lump of tissue.  It took maybe 10 minutes.  I cried.  I screamed my boyfriend’s name.  I knew it was the last thing of him that I had and I was a sad little girl. I cried because I had a broken heart.  He was at home screwing his new girlfriend while I aborted our fetus.

They put me in a ‘recovery’ room for about an hour.  I went home took and nap, got dressed and went out to a party. I wore black spandex pants and a crop top.  Being 19, athletic and only about 7 weeks pregnant I hadn’t shown at all.  The relief I felt, the weight lifted off my shoulders.  Getting pregnant was like getting aids but pregnancy had a cure.

Thanks to my mom and best friend for being there for me and helping me.  I was very lucky to have them both.

Today, 20 years later I am the mother of 4 children.  I was a gestational surrogate for an infertile couple.  I gave birth to twin girls the day before my 30th birthday.  I enjoy being pregnant very much.  I love babies and children.  I also love the fact that abortion is legal!

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Don’t read the negative propaganda

by Georgina (UK)

I had an abortion yesterday and wanted to tell my story as this website helped me so much. I got pregnant from my first (and only) one night stand a month ago and the condom split.

As soon as I saw the positive pregnancy test, I started looking up peoples’ abortion stories online and all I found were negative stories about peoples’ ‘never ending guilt’. I started to believe that I too would feel the same after the procedure. When I found this website, I realised that all I would feel after would be relief. I’ve never seen anything wrong with abortion so why should I now because I needed one?

I’m not sure if its the same in the US, but I first called an NHS helpline where I spoke to a woman who advised me to either speak to my GP or a family planning clinic. She also told me that I would probably have to wait 3 weeks to have a termination on the NHS, which terrified me! I ended up seeing my GP the same day because it was easier, but regretted it afterwards, she was judgemental and didn’t seem to know anything at all about the abortion procedure. I would definitely suggest women visit a family planning clinic rather than their GP.

Anyway, she gave me a phone number for my nearest Marie Stopes Centre. I called the next day, had a telephone consulation with a nurse and got an appointment for the procedure just 5 days later. They talked me through my options, medical or surgical, and I chose surgical. They also offered me counselling.

So yesterday morning, my best friend and I went. All the nurses and staff were lovely. I waited for 15 minutes and then had a scan, which I didn’t look at. I was then taken into a room with reclining chairs and 3 or 4 other women. I only had to sign one paper then was taken in. I chose consouice sedation. They did an injection and I instantly felt very woozy, drunk in fact. It took about 5 minutes, but hurt alot, like extreme period pain. But it only lasted 5 minutes. The nurses and doctor were lovely, and chatted to me throughout. I was then taken back to the recovery room, given a cup of tea, biscuits and a heat pack where I sat for about half an hour before leaving.

After, I felt completly normal again. No exhaustion or nausea or hormones making it hard not to cry all the time and no guilt! Only relief.

Didn’t mean to make this so long, but I do hope it helps someone. Don’t read the negative propaganda, it works and tries to change your views on abortion and distort your mind. Make your descision for yourself and I promise, it’s really not that bad, I’ll have kids one day, but I’m ready now, especially with a guy I barely know.

Thanks abortion 🙂

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