Wished for more support

by Emma (Tonga)

They say everyone may go through the same situation, but everyone will have a different experience. I agree.

I am 23 years old, and a medical student. I met guy in school, while I was doing summer courses. At that time I wasn’t looking for anything, I was already recovering from a past long term relationship that ended up badly, and I had many family problems to deal with, so the last thing on my mind was going in a relationship. He was sweet and he did many things to pursue me in being with him. I thought, “Hey why not.. he seems different and nice.. it doesn’t look like he’ll hurt me.” BOY WAS I WRONG!

After two months of being together I got pregnant.. I wasn’t in love with him, but I did like him. Anyways I told him that I didn’t want to keep this baby… we both were still in school and I come from a very conservative family. So having sex and getting pregnant will cause so much disappointment for my mother. I couldn’t do that. and so I couldn’t tell a soul about this. He agreed to my decision immediately, and we were fine up until school was over and each of us left home for the break. Before he left he told me he’ll stay in contact with me and he’ll come visit me as soon as he settles in. I had a gut feeling that he was bullshitting… so I didn’t take his word, and I knew this would end as soon as this abortion would end. He is not someone I could see my life with, he was like a boy and I wanted a reliable man. A man of his word. He was none of that. So I decided to do the abortion while I was at home, so I booked an appointment and went. The staff were very friendly, and the doctor was amazing. I went alone of course because I couldn’t tell anyone. I knew people would judge me and my decision and at that time with all the emotional effects, you want to get it over and done with.

I had a surgical abortion at six weeks pregnant. I didn’t feel much pain and I bled normally. I felt relieved after the procedure. I went home and just relaxed for the rest of the day waiting for his call. When he called I told him all went well and he was relieved! Well that was the last I heard of him! After that he got busy with studying and so did I. He wouldn’t call… he wouldn’t respond to my calls, or texts. and so I left it at that and I sent a text saying, “I’m assuming were done.” I never got a reply back. That was it! I knew it would… I expected it, so I wasn’t shocked… he is not a man of his word.

Now its been five weeks after the procedure and it’s been a month since I heard from him. I don’t regret my choice… it was the best thing I could do. One, I didn’t want a child with a guy that can’t man up to his mistake and can’t be a man in general and stand by me when I need him the most. And two, I can’t have a child and raise it alone with no father around, I can never do that to my child and make them go through the pain I have with a lack of father.

What really hurts the most is the betrayal, the lies, the broken situation. I was never in love with him, but the way he acted towards the situation hurts. I am not someone he picked up from the streets and left the second day. The least he could have done is support me emotionally while I was going through this, and he knew I was going through this alone. All I needed was friend to ask about me.

There are days better than other, I get upset when I think about what happened and how stupid I was to get deceived. But we go through situations like this to make us stronger.

I do feel much stronger than before, more independent, and wiser. The pain will subside but the experience will stick with me forever changing a lot of things in my life… hopefully to the better… πŸ™‚

β€œLife will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won’t either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could.” – Erdrich

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Confident in my decision

by Stephanie (Illinois)

I never thought I would find myself pregnant. I am 25 and do not want kids now, or ever. But after a brief rebound relationship, here I was.

I knew before I took the test, and the positive sign took about two seconds to show up. For a month, I had awful nausea that extended way past the morning, and extreme exhaustion. Anything that required more effort than sitting on the couch was out of the question. Abortion was the only option for me and my mind was made up the second I suspected I was pregnant.

I only told my best friend, and she was extremely supportive. When I told her I was pregnant, she already knew what decision I made and told me to make my appointment and she’d be there. I did not tell the father. I had already broken up with him and was having a hard time getting him to accept it. It was a safe assumption that he would treat this situation with zero responsibility as he seemed to everything else in his life.

When we got to the clinic, there were protesters out side praying, but no one was able to approach me. All the nurses and doctors were very friendly so I felt very comfortable while I was there. There was a lot of waiting, about four hours in total, but the actual procedure was quick. They gave me twilight sedation, so I didn’t feel anything and woke up as they were putting me into a wheelchair.

I recovered pretty quickly. I started waking up after a few minutes. And after sprite and crackers, I was ready to leave. I felt a million times better afterwards, the nausea was gone, and my friend and I went to breakfast afterwards. It was great to be able to eat again without the fear of it coming right back up. I had some cramping for a day or two, and was back to normal.

I was confident in my decision from the start, and felt no regret afterwards, just relief. I read a lot of abortion stories online before my own, and came across a lot of negative ones. So I am glad to have the opportunity to share a positive experience.

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Used to encourage parenting or adoption

by Melissa

I am 22 years old and finishing my final year in college. I met a guy through family…his mother is engaged to my uncle. The situation is definitely not ideal but we aren’t technically related. We developed a great friendship and casually hooked up despite our situation. After a year of this we decided that it was a good idea to stop because we both started to develop feelings we knew we could not act on due to our family situation.

On Labor Day I stayed with him and despite our decision we made many months before, we said “it will only happen one more time”. With that “one more time” we ended up getting pregnant. I found out very early due to my morning sickness around 4 weeks into my pregnancy. I took an at-home test and told him a few hours after I knew. He instantly told me he wanted me to abort the baby.

This was very hard for me, as I used to work in a pregnancy center counseling women to choose options of parenting or adoption, never abortion. My initial reaction was to keep the baby and raise it on my own. As I considered this, I realized that with our situation it would be impossible to do.

Having a baby would change my life forever. He already has a child that he is raising alone, and neither one of us are financially stable. We are not in a committed relationship and we never will be. I couldn’t justify bringing our beautiful baby into a world where his/her parents weren’t together and he/she wasn’t able to grow up with their big sister. It would make my life more difficult as far as school, starting a career, and having a husband and family later in life. After thinking of all this, I decided that he was right and abortion was our best option. We had many deep discussions about our futures and what we wanted for ourselves and each other. Bringing a baby into the world at this time just wasn’t fair to me, him, the baby or his daughter.

We went to Planned Parenthood and learned about our options. I chose the aspiration abortion because it was over quickly, and the medical abortion lasts a longer time. When I had the procedure done, he was there with me and the entire staff was absolutely supportive and fantastic. I was 6 weeks, 6 days pregnant at the time of the procedure. There was no pain and they made sure to tell me about what was happening. It was not a bad experience in the least.

As I write this, I am two days post-abortion. I will never be in this position again. Deciding to have an abortion was absolutely the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. The man that I was pregnant with was very supportive throughout the decision and procedure, but since it’s occurred he has completely pushed me away. I think he’s taking space to deal with our decision.

Most of all, I want girls out there to know that this is not something to take lightly. I do not regret our decision to end the pregnancy, but that does not mean it was an easy choice to make. We have both realized many things we want and are starting to make those life dreams come true. The pregnancy really woke us up from the poor choices we were making. I still have moments where I cry or think about what “could have” happened, but that is normal. I am very sure that this is not the situation I should be in, and my children deserve a mom and a dad that love each other and want them in the world.

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A decision I had to make for myself

by Ashley (Virginia)

I am currently in college and met a guy through a friend. We hit it off and though it was completely not like me, we had sex on the first date. I got pregnant. By the time I had found out, he has already told me he was falling n love with me and wanted me to move in with him. Whoa! I had just gotten out of a very long relationship and this was all too much, too soon. I ended up staying with him and he started telling people we were expecting, even though I had asked him not to. I was only 5 weeks.

My family is very conservative and very prolife. I didn’t think that I could even tell my mom that I was pregnant for fear of disappointing her and my father. So I didn’t.

I had an abortion when I was 6 weeks pregnant. I was so freaked out about everything that I had read about the abortion pill and the process of passing everything but it was not as bad as I thought it would be, still not the most pleasant experience.

I told the guy that I had a miscarriage and left it at that. He said he wanted a family with me but I’m still young. It was stupid for me to get pregnant to begin with but after this, I make sure it won’t happen again.

I probably should have told him the truth but when we had talked about it, he said there was no need to get married or anything like that so I saw this as a decision to make for myself because he is not looking out for my best interest.

It still saddens me sometimes but I am very thankful that I will not be raising a child alone. It wasn’t so much the alone part that scared me but the fact that I had no support system, no one to even tell any of this to.

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The following days brought us closer

by River (New Mexico)

Let me just say that I was the woman least likely to be found in a Planned Parenthood for the first 25 years of my life! I had a fundamentalist upbringing that definitely forbade premarital sex, and even when I gave that religion up (much to my benefit and happiness), I still wanted to wait for the right guy to be my first partner. Shortly thereafter, I met the man of my dreams, and almost immediately, we started a relationship that went from zero to serious in about two weeks. We talked marriage, talked children, and I was getting ready to move in with him in about month three, when I realized I was pregnant — after a total of two months being sexually active! Things aren’t fair sometimes, but at least now I know I’m *incredibly* fertile, and when we do decide we’re ready, conceiving won’t be a problem. πŸ˜‰ We were using the rhythm method, and from 13 years’ experience with his ex, he thought it was completely safe to have sex two days after my period ended. I, having never tested my own fertility before, trusted this (and I don’t regret it).

Welp, we suspected I was pregnant probably about three weeks in, because my hypersensitive man can sense my period hormones, and knows within a day or two when I’m starting my period. Five days went by, and no period. At that point I got a home pregnancy test, but I just *knew.* So did he. I didn’t even have to tell him, but came home and just looked at him, and he just walked up and put his arms around me and kissed me. We talked. He said, of course, that he would stay, would marry me, would raise a child with me. I said, however, that my friend told me about this pill…and after a bit of discussion, he was intensely relieved. His first instinct had also been not to keep the baby, but he wasn’t about to tell me what I should do with my body. Strangely, having gone through 25 years thinking abortion is the most evil thing a woman can do, I had complete and total peace about my decision. We even joked around about it and took complete advantage of the fact that there was no way I could get pregnant twice at once. πŸ˜‰ (I would like to add that we did NOT take this decision lightly, though, but once we were decided, we tried to make the best and most cheerful thing of it we could.)

Mitigating factors in this decision were 1) I’m very low-income, and while my honey has a little more money, losing my income and adding another mouth would just push us over the threshold to welfare, and 2) we knew we were each others’ perfect partners, and wanted a child together, but three months are still only three months, and I didn’t want to add the strain of a second child (he already has a very challenging 5-year-old from his previous marriage).

Planned Parenthood were all very kind, and my nurse practitioner even talked with me a little bit about the cognitive dissonance between upbringing and current intuition I was going through. In the end, I took the pill, and the pain was very mild, although the bleeding lasted for a few weeks, and certain positions hurt for a while. But strangely, my abortion has only led to positive things for my partner and I. We’re more in love. We trust each other more. He says every day that he wants to create a life with me. He admires my courage to do what we both thought was the right thing. Being “mellow” together in the immediately following days brought us closer.

The only time I thought I couldn’t do it was when I was about to take the Mifeprex pill. I knew there was no going back at that point. At the same time, I knew that I had made the right decision. Any lingering sadness played itself out in the course of about two or three hours, and I did cry a little bit when I started bleeding, but it wasn’t from regret, just the realization of the weight of the decision. I have had no negative emotions in the following weeks, only positive. This has changed my outlook on life, and turned me from a bit of a selfish bachelorette into a woman ready to create a home and a life with the man she loves. I feel calmer, more grounded. And regrets? Absolutely none. In fact, I’m glad I got pregnant so I could go through this — and it confirmed to me that I DO want to be pregnant, by this man, in the future.

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