by Cary (New York)
I had a surgical abortion three days ago, I was only four weeks.
While most women usually find out around now, I knew within days that something wasn’t right. I am 34 years old, so I go on and off the pill to give my body breaks from the hormones.
Unfortunately, during the crazy time of moving house and dealing with a stack of family problems, I miscalculated days and fell pregnant.
I was divorced last year, and frankly, I am still in love with me ex-husband and am in intense therapy to cope. My life has been erratic since we split and I have not been in sound physical or mental health.
The baby’s father is not a support option and I have been struggling to support him since he was released from prison trying to get off his feet. He is ten years younger than me with no education and no steady work. While I have a stable job and reasonable income, these are not (to me) grounds for bringing a life into this difficult world.
The worst part, as I’ve read from others who find out inexplicably early, was the waiting. It took three sonograms before anything even showed up. My blood and urine confirmed I was pregnant within days, but there literally weren’t even enough cells to remove. The pregnancy was still vaginal and hadn’t even made it to my uterus yet.
I attended a facility in Manhattan and I cannot say enough wonderful things about the facility, from the desk workers to the medical staff. I opted for “twilight sedation”, all I remember is lying down like I was preparing for a usual exam then waking up in recovery only a few minutes later.
I had minor cramping afterwards which I took Advil for, and I will be on antibiotics for a few more days as part of ordinary procedure. The nurses advised two to four weeks of light bleeding is normal. My bleeding has been minimal, no more than two panty liners a day.
While I am unhappy about what happened, I am overjoyed to be a woman in a country that grants me the right to decide whether or not I choose to take on the life-long obligation of a child. Particularly when neither myself or the father are stable parents.
I am sharing my story because I know how much reading the experiences of other women posted with such a hard decision helped me. I may sound brave now, but I was completely petrified.
I know the only thing that will contribute to the rest of my healing from here forward is time. As someone who honestly does believe in my heart and soul that every experience in life occurs for a reason – I send divine love and cyber hugs to every other woman this reaches who is facing a similar circumstance. Always love yourself, always know that all of us are just a reflection of each other. Hold your head high and trust your heart.