Used to encourage parenting or adoption

by Melissa

I am 22 years old and finishing my final year in college. I met a guy through family…his mother is engaged to my uncle. The situation is definitely not ideal but we aren’t technically related. We developed a great friendship and casually hooked up despite our situation. After a year of this we decided that it was a good idea to stop because we both started to develop feelings we knew we could not act on due to our family situation.

On Labor Day I stayed with him and despite our decision we made many months before, we said “it will only happen one more time”. With that “one more time” we ended up getting pregnant. I found out very early due to my morning sickness around 4 weeks into my pregnancy. I took an at-home test and told him a few hours after I knew. He instantly told me he wanted me to abort the baby.

This was very hard for me, as I used to work in a pregnancy center counseling women to choose options of parenting or adoption, never abortion. My initial reaction was to keep the baby and raise it on my own. As I considered this, I realized that with our situation it would be impossible to do.

Having a baby would change my life forever. He already has a child that he is raising alone, and neither one of us are financially stable. We are not in a committed relationship and we never will be. I couldn’t justify bringing our beautiful baby into a world where his/her parents weren’t together and he/she wasn’t able to grow up with their big sister. It would make my life more difficult as far as school, starting a career, and having a husband and family later in life. After thinking of all this, I decided that he was right and abortion was our best option. We had many deep discussions about our futures and what we wanted for ourselves and each other. Bringing a baby into the world at this time just wasn’t fair to me, him, the baby or his daughter.

We went to Planned Parenthood and learned about our options. I chose the aspiration abortion because it was over quickly, and the medical abortion lasts a longer time. When I had the procedure done, he was there with me and the entire staff was absolutely supportive and fantastic. I was 6 weeks, 6 days pregnant at the time of the procedure. There was no pain and they made sure to tell me about what was happening. It was not a bad experience in the least.

As I write this, I am two days post-abortion. I will never be in this position again. Deciding to have an abortion was absolutely the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. The man that I was pregnant with was very supportive throughout the decision and procedure, but since it’s occurred he has completely pushed me away. I think he’s taking space to deal with our decision.

Most of all, I want girls out there to know that this is not something to take lightly. I do not regret our decision to end the pregnancy, but that does not mean it was an easy choice to make. We have both realized many things we want and are starting to make those life dreams come true. The pregnancy really woke us up from the poor choices we were making. I still have moments where I cry or think about what “could have” happened, but that is normal. I am very sure that this is not the situation I should be in, and my children deserve a mom and a dad that love each other and want them in the world.

Leave a Comment